Finding a new "Normal" one week after surgery

Today I am a week post-op.  Things are so much better than they were the first few days.  Although it's still difficult I am no longer feeling regrets.  Logically I knew they would pass.  All the research and talk with others helped me know there would be those moments of regret in the beginning so that alleviated some fear of the future.  Recovering for me means getting back to "normal", doing "normal" things.  However, in doing that I realize I must find a new "normal" now.  I know I want to hold on to some past routines, but many of my new ones have to change to be successful with my path to a healthier lifestyle.  Being at home, preparing all my meals here was getting old fast.  I wanted to go out to eat with family.  My husband has been escaping with my family to feed himself.  Even though no one makes me feel left out, I was feeling a little isolated.  I decided I wanted to go to a restaurant with my family even if I only had a few slurps of soup.  I like eating out, I just have to change my "normal" to choosing less and healthy.  Those options are available, I just have to select them.  We chose to go to Cheddar's.  I checked online menus to see where I could get a soup I was allowed to eat now.  I ordered a cup of potato soup and asked them to leave off the bacon but leave the cheese.  They informed me bacon was cooked in the soup also.  I was leery but it seemed to be my only option.  The soup was pretty thick and chunky.  I actually ate the gravy around the soup, checking for bits of bacon before swallowing.  I would estimate I had about two tablespoons of soup.  I still felt hungry (in my mind).  I think it was just because the soup really wasn't that good and I wanted to taste something appealing.  I am sure you are wondering if it was difficult to see the other foods in the restaurant.  The answer is YES, but I must say it was less of a distraction than it was a few days before watching commercials.  It's kind of like my mind is seeing the food, knowing I would like it, but quickly jumping to the thought that I can't have it now and moving on.  It is a little easier.  Later we went to my mother's house.  My daughter came over and had a dish of refried beans from Taco Bell.  Since I thought I should eat a little more, I ate a couple of tablespoons of beans.  They were ok, but then I felt like I was satisfied.  It's kind of weird, it is still hard to tell when I am full while I am eating.  However there seems to be a built in instinct that says stop, or I just don't want anymore.  One of the hardest things right now is slowing down to eat and taking small bites.  I'm so used to just eating without thinking and I realize how fast all people eat because now I am forced to eat slowly or I could get sick.  I am not one that handles throwing up well, so I will usually do anything to avoid it.  I am careful to keep that from happening.  I've been ok so far.  Right now since I have moved to thicker, creamier soups or pureed type foods, I begin to feel a little anxiety as I am eating.  I am scared I will eat too fast or it won't agree with me.  Also, it is a chore to remember NOT to drink while eating and waiting the thirty minutes afterwards to take a drink is still a killer.  During the thirty minutes I have a little anxiety, thinking "how do I feel?", "can I feel if my pouch is full?"  In the beginning while still eating broth or tomato soup without any particles I noticed after eating I felt kind of woozy in the head or I would have a slight headache for a few minutes.  Now that I've moved to thicker consistencies, when I am full I notice I feel some pressure in my upper chest.  That scares me a little right now. During some of our classes they shared that people have different symptoms that tell them when their pouch is full.  Some people hiccup, some breath in a big breath, etc.  I guess some of things I've noticed may be my clue to stop.  After we left my parents I was determined to go for a walk outdoors instead of taking laps in the house.  My husband, daughter and I went to the new park in Columbia County because they have lots of sidewalks and it is very flat.  It was dusk and I had hoped there would be less people there.  It was still pretty full with families and children.  Another thing that makes me uneasy now when I am in a crowd is fear that someone will run into me and hit my stomach.  It is still super tender and I am still moving kind of slow.  I avoided church Sunday for fear I might get bumped too hard.  I know that will pass as I recover fully.  The weather was perfect for walking.  We ran into friends and had conversation.  They were shocked to see I was out, and said I didn't even look like I had just had surgery.  That is a good sign I am recovering well. We walked one huge lap and a half.  It was good to be outdoors.  I went home and wanted something else to eat.  I ate a spoonful of yogurt and oatmeal.  I think I was just ready to eat and I was extra hungry Saturday.

Yesterday I woke up feeling great.  It was the most energy I have had yet.  I helped my daughter in her room with some piled up laundry, and several other tasks.  I went up and down the stairs to her room about 4 or 5 times.  Then I went with her to the home she is currently house sitting and I sat in the sun while she swam in the pool.  I enjoyed the sun, but it was hot.  I'm still unable to get in the pool because my wounds have not healed completely.  Once I got home I was exhausted.  I hurt all over.  I slept well, but today I am very sore and tired.  My husband made white bean soup for me yesterday.  There were some whole beans in it.  I was careful and tried so smash them some.  Dr. Blaney said I could have small particles in soups and pureed food.  I added a small dab of sour cream and a little cheddar.  I also crumbled a ritz cracker and let it get soggy in the soup.  I read somewhere you could have a cracker if it was soggy.  The soup was very good, filling and high in protein.  I ate it for lunch and dinner.  That's the only thing about this way of life, you eat something once and it is great and then you just don't want to think about it again.  I even become grossed out thinking about it. After eating it a second time I was grossed out.  I felt like I had really eaten a lot, so I recorded all the information in this app my hubby told me about on my phone called Fat Secret.  You can record your foods and it will add up calories and proteins.  It's a cool app.  After all I ate yesterday, I had still eaten less than 500 calories for the day. That's amazing.  That is one thing I remember about Jerry's surgery journey.  It used to amaze me he could hold his head up eating less than 1000 calories and being such a huge and tall man.  I'm still having trouble squeezing in all the liquids and protein.  Since I no longer drink while I am eating, that eliminates about three huge glasses of liquids.  Your protein drinks cannot count as your liquids and they actually cause dehydration, so you have to drink constantly.  The dietician says if you are nauseated, you are dehydrated.  Today as I try to up my protein, now my liquids are still full.  Right now this part is frustrating and hard.  It takes a great deal of effort and concentration on taking in all the nutrients and vitamins.  Vitamins are another chore.  They are a necessity for your health and you have all these chewable yucky vitamins.  I have to take two multi-vitamins, 6 chewy calciums, prylosec (to prevent ulcers for 6 months).  In addition I am still taking half a blood pressure pill while I am weaning off the medication and my medication for hypothyroidism.  I traded more vitamins for less pills.  They all leave a nasty aftertaste too.  The other sucky part is that I can never take Nsaid drugs again (advil, motrin, aleve).  They can cause ulcers so I have to use tylenol, which basically does nothing for me.  I just hope I will have less reason to need any as my weight decreases.  Speaking of weight, I've decided to only record my weight loss in 10 lb increments.  I was hoping today I would be able to report 10 lbs, I'm close, just not there yet.  It has been only a week though.

Today I decided to venture out and try a scrambled egg.  I'm really not supposed to do that this week, but in my mind it seems so soft and light.  Since I handled the thick beans and soup I thought I would try.  I scrambled one egg, added a little butter and cheddar cheese, salt and pepper.  I was so careful to eat slowly.  I ate about half and then I felt that heavy feeling in my chest.  I stopped.  I was afraid to eat more.  I think I should follow the rules.  That will be saved until next week.  I am eating a small amount of canned small cut peaches in their own juice.  They are very soft and go down easy.  They have no protein so they are just something to make it eating more pleasurable.

New "Normals"
1.  Think small in terms of portions (now my eyes literally are bigger than my stomach)
2.  Think of ways to be active.  Instead of sitting to watch TV at night, take a walk, even join in playing some unstructured physical games.
3.  Never drink when eating.
4.  Make food selections thinking first of protein
5.  Check labels for protein and sugar.  No more than 15 grams of sugar at a sitting.
6.  Eat several small meals a day and don't graze (hard one, the grazing curse hits me and I have to remember, there is nothing to graze on right now)

Minor Aggravations
1.  Unable to get in a comfortable position to sleep.  Pillows, pillows, pillows, they make it easier.  Lying on the left side is difficult.  Thats where they do most of the work.
2.  Can't just grab a handful of salty snacks.  (I miss snacking on chips, crackers,    nuts)
3.  Gas pain, abnormal digestive problems as everything adjusts
4.  Haven't really reached the point of weight loss to notice in my clothes (I know it will come)
5.  I miss shopping for clothes while on summer break (It is senseless to buy clothes at this point knowing I have so many that have become too small)
6.  No vacation (I miss summer vacations.  It's hard to see everyone vacationing having fun and know I won't get that this summer-better ones in store)
7.  Drinking fluids constantly, trying to fit in protein drinks and vitamins
8.  Waiting for the steri-strips to fall off my incisions.  They are constantly caught on your clothing and sting when they are pulled.