I'm almost 4 weeks post-op. It seems like so much longer. Although many things get easier each day, I think I am entering the reality phase now. Each day has it struggles and some days facing them is tiring. There are many positives, but honestly I haven't felt as much excitement from them as I expected. Yesterday I had my four week appointment with my physician. I have lost 19 lbs according to his scales. My scales were showing less so I was happy to take his as official. I really thought I would feel more excitement about it, but I think I am feeling down in the dumps a little now. As you all know I've been experimenting with food. The last couple of weeks I believe I was too brave and I've paid for it. I've not been sick enough to throw-up, but after eating sometimes I am nauseated and miserable for at least 30 minutes. The dietician told me I needed to eat soft foods for the next two weeks so I am trying to do that now. It does help me feel better when I eat according to the rules.
As I mentioned earlier I am feeling a little down. I am not sure if it is from the surgery, changing my eating habits or that summer is ending and it's almost time to return to work. I always begin to feel this way when summer break is over. Usually I am a little ready to go back, but right now I am not feeling it. I feel tired, but restless all at the same time. Although part of me thinks the routine will be easier because I can begin to focus on something besides eating and losing weight. On the other hand I dread the pace again and am curious how difficult this will be when "stress" happens. One day a few weeks ago I went in for a few hours. I have had NO desire for sweets since the surgery. Sweets typcially are not my food of choice, but savory and salty foods are my favorites. I laughed because while in the office I immediately felt a craving for a butterfinger. That would be because our office is always full of candy and there is a drawer full of fun sized butterfingers. I hope as the year becomes stressful I can handle not having food as a source of comfort. After a long, hard day at work I love to go out to eat Mexican food or just have a nice, yummy meal at home. Although I still eat (a few tablespoons), the entire eating experience has changed. It is over in a matter of minutes. Nibbling and savoring a couple of extra bites are out of the question unless I want to feel pain and pressure. I miss the nibbling after the meal more than the actual meal itself. We have continued to eat out, but it is still hard to order a small enough portion. We are still working through the process trying not to order too much food. We ALWAYS have leftovers. The bad thing is leftovers don't settle well when re-heated. The dietician shared that re-heating food makes it more difficult to digest. I know I need to replace my stress "go to" with something besides food. The bad thing is I haven't found anything I like as well as food when I want to wind down. Some people (a friend of mine) and I will not mention names says gastric bypass is the easy way to lose weight. It isn't the easy way for me. I believe losing it on my own was easier than losing it from surgery. Don't get me wrong, you have no choice but to lose it, so you will lose weight. However, not having the choice is HARD. When you are sick of the whole thing and you just want to be done and eat whatever you want, you can't. However, the desire to eat is still just as strong. I was thinking about the process today and comparing it to having a good friend that you know is a bad influence in your life. You know you shouldn't hang around the person because they bring out negative in you or keep you from being successful, yet you like to be with them. You miss them when you decide to put some distance between the two of you. You actually grieve their friendship though you know it's best to stay away. I think that is the way I feel about food. I know too much is bad for me, terrible for my health, the way I feel, yet I miss it and I grieve for it. For me I feel like I am disciplined in many areas of my life and I've never liked having to feel disciplined when it camed to eating. I didn't want to think about counting calories or carbs or exercising.
We are considering a weekend at the beach since we didn't get a vacation. I figure food should be really cheap. Again, it is difficult thinking about vacation because to me vacation typically means good food, nice restaurants, etc. However, I am going to try and enjoy the beach and shopping. I do love both of those. Hopefully as the weight continues to drop my excitement will increase. I think once everything in my closet is too big, I will feel lots of excitement.
Latest Cravings
McDonalds little hamburger
French Fries
Chips and Salsa and Guacamole Dip
Salad
Isn't it funny that salad is on my list? I asked the dietician when I could have a salad. She told me that was her biggest question from bariatric patients. She is a WLS person herself and said she never wanted salad because it was healthy. I find it odd that all of fatties crave salad now.
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