2 Weeks Post-Op
To begin I can report weight loss since I have hit a 10 pound goal. As of this morning I have lost 14 lbs. Honestly, I was hoping it was more, but I am impatient. I have lost 5 lbs since last week and I have never lost that quickly before so I am going to try to be patient. When I record what I eat and the small number of calories, I guess in my mind I expect 10 lbs a week. It seems like it has been longer than 2 weeks so I am sure that is why I am anxious for more.
I have learned a lot in a week about the foods I can and cannot tolerate at this time. I've been blessed because I have not gotten sick so far. I've experimented with several different foods and have had very few problems. Some foods are really easy to eat and digest. Once you find those foods, you really want to eat them. Foods you think you want, that don't digest as well, you really don't want because you know it is going to be uncomfortable after you eat it. Jerry mentions this often. He likes specific foods now that he didn't love so much before surgery. He loves salad and pizza. He never liked pizza much before but now he says it is easy to eat and flavorful. Most foods I've tried have been soft and agree with me. However, a couple of times I made the mistake of trying something I knew I should avoid and it was a mistake. For example, every year we get tomatoes from a friend that should be in the tomato hall of fame because they are so good. Who can resist a tomato sandwich? Jerry convinced me he would fix me a very small portion and I would be fine. Bread should be avoided at this time. I ate two bites of a tomato sandwich on soft, white bread. It was heavenly for about 20 minutes and then it hit me right in the chest. I felt like I had swallowed a softball. I figured if I walked it would pass quickly. For at least an hour I felt a huge lump in my chest. Even after it had digested my esophagus felt irritated. Without the bread tomatoes are fine. It was the bread that made me feel terrible. NO MORE soft bread for me for a long time. One food that's easy to eat now is boiled shrimp. The grocery store sells them already peeled and deveined with cocktail sauce. They are easy to eat and very high in protein. About 3 of them make a good snack. Soft crackers like Ritz have been easy to digest as well. Last night I was creative and spread light laughing cow cheese on three crackers added a shrimp on each and topped with cocktail sauce. It was a tasty snack. Eating only one thing at a time became monotonous. It is easy to get sick of something if you are eating it in isolation. Both Meaghan and I wanted to have more than one item at a meal. We both noticed that soft, cooked vegetables were easy to eat and digest. Truthfully I enjoy cooking some in the summer when I am not working. I began thinking about how to cook small portions and what I could pair together so we could all get enough protein in our diet. All three of us began thinking of previous recipes and searching for new ones that would work for us now. The first meal I cooked came from a Pinterest recipe. Here is a picture of mini lasagna using wonton wrappers instead of noodles. I used my own meat sauce and ricotta mixture recipe, but put it together according to directions on Pinterest. It was delicious, easy to digest and great leftover for lunch today. The fresh green beans were great too. They are easily digested and a great side. The lasagna is high in protein because of the ricotta and meat sauce as well as the italian cheese topping.
I've increased my exercise. Instead of walking outdoors now, I have moved inside to the gym to avoid the heat. I've been able to walk on the treadmill easily for thirty minutes. I don't walk at the pace I did before surgery, but I've tried to increase and decrease my speed throughout the walk. In addition, I swam one evening.
One negative, but also positive issue I have experienced is a drop in my blood pressure. Prior to surgery I took medication and a diuretic for high blood pressure. My blood pressure wasn't as high as some, but high enough to require medication. While in the hospital I was off medication since I was taking in only liquids. During my hospital stay my blood pressure was normal as well as the day of my first visit to the doctor after surgery. However, the medication I was taking was a beta blocker which requires you to be weaned from the medication. The doctor cut my dose in half for a week, then told me to take half every other day for a week before stopping the medication. On a few occasions my blood pressure has dropped causing severe weakness. Once I thought I might faint. Today was my last dose. I understand I might still have symptoms of low blood pressure for a few days until everything levels out to a normal pressure.
Good Foods (easily digested)
oatmeal
fried egg over medium
bacon (only eaten right after it's cooked)
yogurt (yuck-Greek is highest in protein)
sugar free pudding
canned peaches and mandrin oranges in their own juices or with artificial sweetener
baked/broiled talapia
lasagna (stoffers/mini lasagna without noodles)
cooked vegetables (soft)
tuna salad
egg salad
tomatoes (peeled)
grits
refried beans
ground beef in sauce or soups
pasta in soups
most soups
starchy beans
boiled shrimp
grilled cheese
toasted bread
Ritz crackers
baked sweet potato
Bad Foods (not easily digested)
bread (soft)
bacon (reheated)
string cheese
grilled shrimp
scrambled eggs
Cravings
Diet coke
BBQ Potato Chips
Chips and Salsa
Monday, July 2, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Finding a new "Normal" one week after surgery
Today I am a week post-op. Things are so much better than they were the first few days. Although it's still difficult I am no longer feeling regrets. Logically I knew they would pass. All the research and talk with others helped me know there would be those moments of regret in the beginning so that alleviated some fear of the future. Recovering for me means getting back to "normal", doing "normal" things. However, in doing that I realize I must find a new "normal" now. I know I want to hold on to some past routines, but many of my new ones have to change to be successful with my path to a healthier lifestyle. Being at home, preparing all my meals here was getting old fast. I wanted to go out to eat with family. My husband has been escaping with my family to feed himself. Even though no one makes me feel left out, I was feeling a little isolated. I decided I wanted to go to a restaurant with my family even if I only had a few slurps of soup. I like eating out, I just have to change my "normal" to choosing less and healthy. Those options are available, I just have to select them. We chose to go to Cheddar's. I checked online menus to see where I could get a soup I was allowed to eat now. I ordered a cup of potato soup and asked them to leave off the bacon but leave the cheese. They informed me bacon was cooked in the soup also. I was leery but it seemed to be my only option. The soup was pretty thick and chunky. I actually ate the gravy around the soup, checking for bits of bacon before swallowing. I would estimate I had about two tablespoons of soup. I still felt hungry (in my mind). I think it was just because the soup really wasn't that good and I wanted to taste something appealing. I am sure you are wondering if it was difficult to see the other foods in the restaurant. The answer is YES, but I must say it was less of a distraction than it was a few days before watching commercials. It's kind of like my mind is seeing the food, knowing I would like it, but quickly jumping to the thought that I can't have it now and moving on. It is a little easier. Later we went to my mother's house. My daughter came over and had a dish of refried beans from Taco Bell. Since I thought I should eat a little more, I ate a couple of tablespoons of beans. They were ok, but then I felt like I was satisfied. It's kind of weird, it is still hard to tell when I am full while I am eating. However there seems to be a built in instinct that says stop, or I just don't want anymore. One of the hardest things right now is slowing down to eat and taking small bites. I'm so used to just eating without thinking and I realize how fast all people eat because now I am forced to eat slowly or I could get sick. I am not one that handles throwing up well, so I will usually do anything to avoid it. I am careful to keep that from happening. I've been ok so far. Right now since I have moved to thicker, creamier soups or pureed type foods, I begin to feel a little anxiety as I am eating. I am scared I will eat too fast or it won't agree with me. Also, it is a chore to remember NOT to drink while eating and waiting the thirty minutes afterwards to take a drink is still a killer. During the thirty minutes I have a little anxiety, thinking "how do I feel?", "can I feel if my pouch is full?" In the beginning while still eating broth or tomato soup without any particles I noticed after eating I felt kind of woozy in the head or I would have a slight headache for a few minutes. Now that I've moved to thicker consistencies, when I am full I notice I feel some pressure in my upper chest. That scares me a little right now. During some of our classes they shared that people have different symptoms that tell them when their pouch is full. Some people hiccup, some breath in a big breath, etc. I guess some of things I've noticed may be my clue to stop. After we left my parents I was determined to go for a walk outdoors instead of taking laps in the house. My husband, daughter and I went to the new park in Columbia County because they have lots of sidewalks and it is very flat. It was dusk and I had hoped there would be less people there. It was still pretty full with families and children. Another thing that makes me uneasy now when I am in a crowd is fear that someone will run into me and hit my stomach. It is still super tender and I am still moving kind of slow. I avoided church Sunday for fear I might get bumped too hard. I know that will pass as I recover fully. The weather was perfect for walking. We ran into friends and had conversation. They were shocked to see I was out, and said I didn't even look like I had just had surgery. That is a good sign I am recovering well. We walked one huge lap and a half. It was good to be outdoors. I went home and wanted something else to eat. I ate a spoonful of yogurt and oatmeal. I think I was just ready to eat and I was extra hungry Saturday.
Yesterday I woke up feeling great. It was the most energy I have had yet. I helped my daughter in her room with some piled up laundry, and several other tasks. I went up and down the stairs to her room about 4 or 5 times. Then I went with her to the home she is currently house sitting and I sat in the sun while she swam in the pool. I enjoyed the sun, but it was hot. I'm still unable to get in the pool because my wounds have not healed completely. Once I got home I was exhausted. I hurt all over. I slept well, but today I am very sore and tired. My husband made white bean soup for me yesterday. There were some whole beans in it. I was careful and tried so smash them some. Dr. Blaney said I could have small particles in soups and pureed food. I added a small dab of sour cream and a little cheddar. I also crumbled a ritz cracker and let it get soggy in the soup. I read somewhere you could have a cracker if it was soggy. The soup was very good, filling and high in protein. I ate it for lunch and dinner. That's the only thing about this way of life, you eat something once and it is great and then you just don't want to think about it again. I even become grossed out thinking about it. After eating it a second time I was grossed out. I felt like I had really eaten a lot, so I recorded all the information in this app my hubby told me about on my phone called Fat Secret. You can record your foods and it will add up calories and proteins. It's a cool app. After all I ate yesterday, I had still eaten less than 500 calories for the day. That's amazing. That is one thing I remember about Jerry's surgery journey. It used to amaze me he could hold his head up eating less than 1000 calories and being such a huge and tall man. I'm still having trouble squeezing in all the liquids and protein. Since I no longer drink while I am eating, that eliminates about three huge glasses of liquids. Your protein drinks cannot count as your liquids and they actually cause dehydration, so you have to drink constantly. The dietician says if you are nauseated, you are dehydrated. Today as I try to up my protein, now my liquids are still full. Right now this part is frustrating and hard. It takes a great deal of effort and concentration on taking in all the nutrients and vitamins. Vitamins are another chore. They are a necessity for your health and you have all these chewable yucky vitamins. I have to take two multi-vitamins, 6 chewy calciums, prylosec (to prevent ulcers for 6 months). In addition I am still taking half a blood pressure pill while I am weaning off the medication and my medication for hypothyroidism. I traded more vitamins for less pills. They all leave a nasty aftertaste too. The other sucky part is that I can never take Nsaid drugs again (advil, motrin, aleve). They can cause ulcers so I have to use tylenol, which basically does nothing for me. I just hope I will have less reason to need any as my weight decreases. Speaking of weight, I've decided to only record my weight loss in 10 lb increments. I was hoping today I would be able to report 10 lbs, I'm close, just not there yet. It has been only a week though.
Today I decided to venture out and try a scrambled egg. I'm really not supposed to do that this week, but in my mind it seems so soft and light. Since I handled the thick beans and soup I thought I would try. I scrambled one egg, added a little butter and cheddar cheese, salt and pepper. I was so careful to eat slowly. I ate about half and then I felt that heavy feeling in my chest. I stopped. I was afraid to eat more. I think I should follow the rules. That will be saved until next week. I am eating a small amount of canned small cut peaches in their own juice. They are very soft and go down easy. They have no protein so they are just something to make it eating more pleasurable.
New "Normals"
1. Think small in terms of portions (now my eyes literally are bigger than my stomach)
2. Think of ways to be active. Instead of sitting to watch TV at night, take a walk, even join in playing some unstructured physical games.
3. Never drink when eating.
4. Make food selections thinking first of protein
5. Check labels for protein and sugar. No more than 15 grams of sugar at a sitting.
6. Eat several small meals a day and don't graze (hard one, the grazing curse hits me and I have to remember, there is nothing to graze on right now)
Minor Aggravations
1. Unable to get in a comfortable position to sleep. Pillows, pillows, pillows, they make it easier. Lying on the left side is difficult. Thats where they do most of the work.
2. Can't just grab a handful of salty snacks. (I miss snacking on chips, crackers, nuts)
3. Gas pain, abnormal digestive problems as everything adjusts
4. Haven't really reached the point of weight loss to notice in my clothes (I know it will come)
5. I miss shopping for clothes while on summer break (It is senseless to buy clothes at this point knowing I have so many that have become too small)
6. No vacation (I miss summer vacations. It's hard to see everyone vacationing having fun and know I won't get that this summer-better ones in store)
7. Drinking fluids constantly, trying to fit in protein drinks and vitamins
8. Waiting for the steri-strips to fall off my incisions. They are constantly caught on your clothing and sting when they are pulled.
Yesterday I woke up feeling great. It was the most energy I have had yet. I helped my daughter in her room with some piled up laundry, and several other tasks. I went up and down the stairs to her room about 4 or 5 times. Then I went with her to the home she is currently house sitting and I sat in the sun while she swam in the pool. I enjoyed the sun, but it was hot. I'm still unable to get in the pool because my wounds have not healed completely. Once I got home I was exhausted. I hurt all over. I slept well, but today I am very sore and tired. My husband made white bean soup for me yesterday. There were some whole beans in it. I was careful and tried so smash them some. Dr. Blaney said I could have small particles in soups and pureed food. I added a small dab of sour cream and a little cheddar. I also crumbled a ritz cracker and let it get soggy in the soup. I read somewhere you could have a cracker if it was soggy. The soup was very good, filling and high in protein. I ate it for lunch and dinner. That's the only thing about this way of life, you eat something once and it is great and then you just don't want to think about it again. I even become grossed out thinking about it. After eating it a second time I was grossed out. I felt like I had really eaten a lot, so I recorded all the information in this app my hubby told me about on my phone called Fat Secret. You can record your foods and it will add up calories and proteins. It's a cool app. After all I ate yesterday, I had still eaten less than 500 calories for the day. That's amazing. That is one thing I remember about Jerry's surgery journey. It used to amaze me he could hold his head up eating less than 1000 calories and being such a huge and tall man. I'm still having trouble squeezing in all the liquids and protein. Since I no longer drink while I am eating, that eliminates about three huge glasses of liquids. Your protein drinks cannot count as your liquids and they actually cause dehydration, so you have to drink constantly. The dietician says if you are nauseated, you are dehydrated. Today as I try to up my protein, now my liquids are still full. Right now this part is frustrating and hard. It takes a great deal of effort and concentration on taking in all the nutrients and vitamins. Vitamins are another chore. They are a necessity for your health and you have all these chewable yucky vitamins. I have to take two multi-vitamins, 6 chewy calciums, prylosec (to prevent ulcers for 6 months). In addition I am still taking half a blood pressure pill while I am weaning off the medication and my medication for hypothyroidism. I traded more vitamins for less pills. They all leave a nasty aftertaste too. The other sucky part is that I can never take Nsaid drugs again (advil, motrin, aleve). They can cause ulcers so I have to use tylenol, which basically does nothing for me. I just hope I will have less reason to need any as my weight decreases. Speaking of weight, I've decided to only record my weight loss in 10 lb increments. I was hoping today I would be able to report 10 lbs, I'm close, just not there yet. It has been only a week though.
Today I decided to venture out and try a scrambled egg. I'm really not supposed to do that this week, but in my mind it seems so soft and light. Since I handled the thick beans and soup I thought I would try. I scrambled one egg, added a little butter and cheddar cheese, salt and pepper. I was so careful to eat slowly. I ate about half and then I felt that heavy feeling in my chest. I stopped. I was afraid to eat more. I think I should follow the rules. That will be saved until next week. I am eating a small amount of canned small cut peaches in their own juice. They are very soft and go down easy. They have no protein so they are just something to make it eating more pleasurable.
New "Normals"
1. Think small in terms of portions (now my eyes literally are bigger than my stomach)
2. Think of ways to be active. Instead of sitting to watch TV at night, take a walk, even join in playing some unstructured physical games.
3. Never drink when eating.
4. Make food selections thinking first of protein
5. Check labels for protein and sugar. No more than 15 grams of sugar at a sitting.
6. Eat several small meals a day and don't graze (hard one, the grazing curse hits me and I have to remember, there is nothing to graze on right now)
Minor Aggravations
1. Unable to get in a comfortable position to sleep. Pillows, pillows, pillows, they make it easier. Lying on the left side is difficult. Thats where they do most of the work.
2. Can't just grab a handful of salty snacks. (I miss snacking on chips, crackers, nuts)
3. Gas pain, abnormal digestive problems as everything adjusts
4. Haven't really reached the point of weight loss to notice in my clothes (I know it will come)
5. I miss shopping for clothes while on summer break (It is senseless to buy clothes at this point knowing I have so many that have become too small)
6. No vacation (I miss summer vacations. It's hard to see everyone vacationing having fun and know I won't get that this summer-better ones in store)
7. Drinking fluids constantly, trying to fit in protein drinks and vitamins
8. Waiting for the steri-strips to fall off my incisions. They are constantly caught on your clothing and sting when they are pulled.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Reflections
I already realize how much food is a part of my life. I know God is teaching me that food isn't my lifeline, though I need it. I believe he wants me to understand that I allow food to be too many things to me. I love to eat when I am with others. It is a way to socialize with people. I like to celebrate with food. Although I believe I have a lot of discipline in other areas of my life, I hate to make eating and thinking about what I eat an area I have to control. At the end of a hard day, I like to eat a big dinner. It relaxes me and makes me think of pleasant things like the taste, how good it feels to be full. Taste is pleasurable. It is hard for me to fathom the thoughts of those that say they eat to live. I realize I live to eat. Honestly, deep down I don't want to give that up. It is a grieving process of a sort. Logically I tell myself these things, but my mind makes it much more complicated. As much as I love eating, I also hate when I feel I think about food continually. I joke about it a lot and say I am thinking of the next meal while I am eating my current meal. I think I joke about being fat and eating a lot probably to mask the problem I don't really like that food is too important to me. Why I have chosen food to comfort me I am unsure. Maybe it's because it's easy. I was never allowed to drink, do drugs, smoke, etc. Maybe this was an easy and acceptable choice. It's something I can share with my husband and daughter. We all love food. We love to watch cooking shows, bake and cook new recipes, etc. It's not fun to put restrictions on your recreation.
As I continue this journey, I want to conquer the negative thoughts and consequences overeating brings to my life. I want to grow spiritually with God and learn what he has to show me through this time. I thought and prayed about the surgery, asking myself why God would allow or want me to do this. I believe he wants to use it to get rid of the things that hold me back, to help me face fears and realize that in every fearful situation I don't have to panic, worry, stress, but I really can depend on him to take care of me. Fear of the unknown has damaged me for too long. I want to be able to face every situation with confidence that God is my safety and I don't have to be panicked, worried or stressed.
As I continue this journey, I want to conquer the negative thoughts and consequences overeating brings to my life. I want to grow spiritually with God and learn what he has to show me through this time. I thought and prayed about the surgery, asking myself why God would allow or want me to do this. I believe he wants to use it to get rid of the things that hold me back, to help me face fears and realize that in every fearful situation I don't have to panic, worry, stress, but I really can depend on him to take care of me. Fear of the unknown has damaged me for too long. I want to be able to face every situation with confidence that God is my safety and I don't have to be panicked, worried or stressed.
Post-Op Day 5
Today is the first day I have really felt like posting anything. The surgery went well as far as I know. Several days before the surgery I was anxious. I am usually anxious just thinking about being put to sleep and having surgery. However, doing it voluntarily as an elective surgery just made it more scary. I had many thoughts, like what if I become disabled from surgery and right now I am healthy, what if all the bad stuff that has happened to others happens to me? I hated those thoughts, but I kept telling myself, it is a risk, but so is being overweight. It was a risk, and as I see it now, it continues to be a risk. I talked to several people before the surgery, went through all the classes, have family members in my home who have had the surgery, but all that still doesn't take away the fear of the unknown as well as the feelings you have after the surgery.
Monday morning after waking from the surgery, I was in severe pain. I remember groaning "I hurt". However, not long afterwards I was in my room with a morphine pump for pain as well as other IV fluids. Most of that day was blurry because I was sleeping most of the day. I remember trying to get comfortable with the incisions in my abdomen. I had dreaded this day because I knew I would have nothing by mouth, that includes even water or an ice chip until the following morning. I was in my room by 10:30 a.m so I knew for 24 hours despite my dry mouth I couldn't have a thing. I must say, knowing this ahead of time was one of my biggest fears. I couldn't imagine going that long without even a gulp of water. This is to make sure you have a little time to heal before they check your new bypass for leaks. Actually it didn't end up being as bad as I had expected. They gave me some sponge swabs. I could wet them and spit. I was also able to have ice water that I could swish in my mouth and spit out. That really got me thorough. Someone was visiting me and I was feeling very drugged and I swished and swallowed. I totally freaked out, told the nurse. She told me not to worry, but I had to think before I put the water in my mouth. One of the requirements of this surgery is to get up and walk as soon as the pain medication begins to wear off. Walking with an IV pole and a catheter isn't easy. They have a path at the hospital, with a white board and your room number on the board. You have to walk 30 laps on their path, which is down two short halls before you leave. It isn't as easy as it sounds, but gives you something to do when you feel uncomfortable and miserable. Throughout the day as I was awake I thought I don't feel that horrible.
Tuesday was different. I got up, brushed my teeth because on top of no liquids, they have also shoved blue dye down your throat during surgery. I actually had a blue tongue days after I came home and they left a nice little blue streak in my hair. I was able to get it out, thank goodness. I washed my face and decided to walk before I was called down for the barium swallow. To think my first liquid to swallow would be barium just made me feel sick. I walked and then got back in bed and was hurting so I pushed the morphine pump. The morphine had already made me feel nauseated throughout the night so I had also had phenegren (sp). Once I pushed the morphine pump within a few minutes I was so nauseated. About that time, they came in to take me down for the barium swallow. I had a cold rag with me, but I was terrified of throwing up. The swallow was gross, I felt so sick. I made it and didn't throw up.
Wednesday I went home. Tuesday night was terrible. I felt horrible, couldn't get comfortable, was sick of dragging the IV pole (the cath was gone now, but still had IV in my hand). I thought I was going to lose my mind before I was released Wednesday. I was so uncomfortable, hadn't had a shower and just wanted to be home. I was really anxious. When I got home I immediately took a shower and took pain medication and went to bed. Getting comfortable at home was also hard, but being in my bed helped. I slept a lot that day and all night. I was up and down. The pain medication made me feel horrible. I felt nauseated and had a massive headache. Once I got up I moved to the recliner, but all I could do is feel drowsy. I was tired of sleeping, but couldn't wake up. I finally went on my back porch and drank a half- cup of coffee (with caffeine). I know I wasn't supposed to have caffeine, but I needed something to make me feel better. I sat on the porch, felt regret about having the surgery. I felt miserable. The longer I sat outside, I was able to wake up and begin to feel a little better. Eventually I had things like broth, jello, Popsicle, but mostly I craved water. I tried unsweetened tea with sweet-n-low, which I normally love, but it tasted terrible. Throughout the day I face booked, talked on the phone with a friend that is almost a year post op, texted friends, and I walked laps in my house. I was beginning to feel a little human again.
Each day since then I have begun to show improvement. Friday I went to the doctor to have the drain tube removed. Not every doctor uses them, but mine does. It is the most disgusting thing ever. It bled on my clothing, it was in the way and just looking at the blood in the bulb made me feel sick. When it filled with blood I had to squeeze it out in the toilet. It is soooo gross, especially when you have the overall feeling of nausea. I hadn't really lost any weight at the doctor. They say at first you may even show a weight gain because of all the fluids they pump in you while in the hospital. I wasn't really discouraged by that because right now I can't really think about weight and being skinny. I just want to feel better. My doctor oked me to begin cream soups or pureed foods. That made me happy. I had runny oatmeal, tomato soup and then and pureed dumplings with broth for dinner. I had pressure in my chest throughout the night. I haven't taken in that much is days. By the way, I only had about two tablespoons of all of those things. I can't judge yet the full feeling. It is hard for me to tell while I am eating, but a little while afterwards I sometimes I feel pressure in my throat chest area. Oh one new big change is that you cannot drink anything while you eat or for thirty minutes afterwards. Oh My God, that is the longest thirty minutes ever. I always drink at least two glasses with my meal and then more afterwards. The doctor said I had to do the protein drinks. A high protein diet is a must. Without the protein, you cannot heal and in a few months your hair will begin to fall out. Even with the threat of losing my hair, which I thought I can drink poison to prevent, I am having a hard time. I've tried them and hate them, but I made one and kept it in the fridge and would pour about an ounce at a time and sip it. I was able to drink more of it yesterday. The only drink I want right now is water. I am supposed to drink 64 ounces of water (not easy). Today I tried instant grits. They were nasty, but I had a couple of tablespoons. I stopped the pain meds and started liquid tylenol which also taste horrible. So last night I took a half of valium to sleep. I have it for vertigo and thought maybe I could rest if I took it. I was able to sleep a little better, but am having crazy dreams. This surgery is difficult both physically and emotionally. Even though I am not hungry, I still desire all my favorite foods. Watching TV and seeing food commercials are torture. All I can think about is when I can eat my favorite foods again. I am constantly on the internet reading blogs, websites, you name it. It is hard to mend when you can't take in food. To me food is always healing when I am physically ill. Changing my thinking is hard.
Monday morning after waking from the surgery, I was in severe pain. I remember groaning "I hurt". However, not long afterwards I was in my room with a morphine pump for pain as well as other IV fluids. Most of that day was blurry because I was sleeping most of the day. I remember trying to get comfortable with the incisions in my abdomen. I had dreaded this day because I knew I would have nothing by mouth, that includes even water or an ice chip until the following morning. I was in my room by 10:30 a.m so I knew for 24 hours despite my dry mouth I couldn't have a thing. I must say, knowing this ahead of time was one of my biggest fears. I couldn't imagine going that long without even a gulp of water. This is to make sure you have a little time to heal before they check your new bypass for leaks. Actually it didn't end up being as bad as I had expected. They gave me some sponge swabs. I could wet them and spit. I was also able to have ice water that I could swish in my mouth and spit out. That really got me thorough. Someone was visiting me and I was feeling very drugged and I swished and swallowed. I totally freaked out, told the nurse. She told me not to worry, but I had to think before I put the water in my mouth. One of the requirements of this surgery is to get up and walk as soon as the pain medication begins to wear off. Walking with an IV pole and a catheter isn't easy. They have a path at the hospital, with a white board and your room number on the board. You have to walk 30 laps on their path, which is down two short halls before you leave. It isn't as easy as it sounds, but gives you something to do when you feel uncomfortable and miserable. Throughout the day as I was awake I thought I don't feel that horrible.
Tuesday was different. I got up, brushed my teeth because on top of no liquids, they have also shoved blue dye down your throat during surgery. I actually had a blue tongue days after I came home and they left a nice little blue streak in my hair. I was able to get it out, thank goodness. I washed my face and decided to walk before I was called down for the barium swallow. To think my first liquid to swallow would be barium just made me feel sick. I walked and then got back in bed and was hurting so I pushed the morphine pump. The morphine had already made me feel nauseated throughout the night so I had also had phenegren (sp). Once I pushed the morphine pump within a few minutes I was so nauseated. About that time, they came in to take me down for the barium swallow. I had a cold rag with me, but I was terrified of throwing up. The swallow was gross, I felt so sick. I made it and didn't throw up.
Wednesday I went home. Tuesday night was terrible. I felt horrible, couldn't get comfortable, was sick of dragging the IV pole (the cath was gone now, but still had IV in my hand). I thought I was going to lose my mind before I was released Wednesday. I was so uncomfortable, hadn't had a shower and just wanted to be home. I was really anxious. When I got home I immediately took a shower and took pain medication and went to bed. Getting comfortable at home was also hard, but being in my bed helped. I slept a lot that day and all night. I was up and down. The pain medication made me feel horrible. I felt nauseated and had a massive headache. Once I got up I moved to the recliner, but all I could do is feel drowsy. I was tired of sleeping, but couldn't wake up. I finally went on my back porch and drank a half- cup of coffee (with caffeine). I know I wasn't supposed to have caffeine, but I needed something to make me feel better. I sat on the porch, felt regret about having the surgery. I felt miserable. The longer I sat outside, I was able to wake up and begin to feel a little better. Eventually I had things like broth, jello, Popsicle, but mostly I craved water. I tried unsweetened tea with sweet-n-low, which I normally love, but it tasted terrible. Throughout the day I face booked, talked on the phone with a friend that is almost a year post op, texted friends, and I walked laps in my house. I was beginning to feel a little human again.
Each day since then I have begun to show improvement. Friday I went to the doctor to have the drain tube removed. Not every doctor uses them, but mine does. It is the most disgusting thing ever. It bled on my clothing, it was in the way and just looking at the blood in the bulb made me feel sick. When it filled with blood I had to squeeze it out in the toilet. It is soooo gross, especially when you have the overall feeling of nausea. I hadn't really lost any weight at the doctor. They say at first you may even show a weight gain because of all the fluids they pump in you while in the hospital. I wasn't really discouraged by that because right now I can't really think about weight and being skinny. I just want to feel better. My doctor oked me to begin cream soups or pureed foods. That made me happy. I had runny oatmeal, tomato soup and then and pureed dumplings with broth for dinner. I had pressure in my chest throughout the night. I haven't taken in that much is days. By the way, I only had about two tablespoons of all of those things. I can't judge yet the full feeling. It is hard for me to tell while I am eating, but a little while afterwards I sometimes I feel pressure in my throat chest area. Oh one new big change is that you cannot drink anything while you eat or for thirty minutes afterwards. Oh My God, that is the longest thirty minutes ever. I always drink at least two glasses with my meal and then more afterwards. The doctor said I had to do the protein drinks. A high protein diet is a must. Without the protein, you cannot heal and in a few months your hair will begin to fall out. Even with the threat of losing my hair, which I thought I can drink poison to prevent, I am having a hard time. I've tried them and hate them, but I made one and kept it in the fridge and would pour about an ounce at a time and sip it. I was able to drink more of it yesterday. The only drink I want right now is water. I am supposed to drink 64 ounces of water (not easy). Today I tried instant grits. They were nasty, but I had a couple of tablespoons. I stopped the pain meds and started liquid tylenol which also taste horrible. So last night I took a half of valium to sleep. I have it for vertigo and thought maybe I could rest if I took it. I was able to sleep a little better, but am having crazy dreams. This surgery is difficult both physically and emotionally. Even though I am not hungry, I still desire all my favorite foods. Watching TV and seeing food commercials are torture. All I can think about is when I can eat my favorite foods again. I am constantly on the internet reading blogs, websites, you name it. It is hard to mend when you can't take in food. To me food is always healing when I am physically ill. Changing my thinking is hard.
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